Thursday was my Oregon Trail field trip. It's actually kind of a simulation game similar to the Oregon Trail computer game, except that the kids actually walk along a trail. I teach a multi-grade class, so I rotate through three history textbooks and do a different one each year. This year's book was U.S History and Geography.

Three years ago was the first time I did the Oregon Trail field trip, and at that time I thought I would never do it again. I confidently expected to be a mother within three years. I had only been off birth control for eight months and expected to get pregnant very soon. I remember that I even told a parent who liked the field trip and said I should do it again (in three years), that I hoped I wouldn't be around to do it.

As years passed and the time came for me to plan the trip again I decided to sew myself a poineer dress to wear as I walked the trail. I even postponed sewing it just in case I got pregnant. Then I could make myself a maternity pioneer dress. The thought seemed pretty cool to me.

Alas, April came, a month before the field trip, and I was definitely not pregnant. I hurriedly sewed my dress following the regular non-maternity pattern. Now the field trip has come and gone once again. One parent even made a suggestion of what I could do if I did it again in three years. "No, not again!" I was thinking. I decided it would be best to nod my head and NOT make any comments this time. I don't want those words hanging in my mind for another three years.

What I said three years ago has become a deadline, one which I couldn't possibly meet, one which only brought me disappointment. Yes, the parents love my Oregon Trail field trip, but I'd just love to be a parent.

It's fertile time again, but my husband was so tired last night. He worked from 6:30 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. He told me that they had shipped out the most flowers in one day that they ever have before. In the last two weeks my hubby has worked enough for over four weeks of work. There's lots of extra money coming, but we don't have much of a family life. The guys (my brother and husband) only eat breakfast at home, so the dishwasher is filled with glasses, bowls, and spoons. There should only be one more week of this, then life will begin to return to normal. I want my husband back!