Yesterday I called the doctor's office and asked if I could do another cycle of injectables. The secretary pulled my chart, talked to someone, and asked if my husband had done the sperm andtibodies test. When I said he hadn't, she said that he would need to do that first, and then they would decide what to do. I said that we didn't want to do the test. She said she would tell this to the resident (who for some strange reason thinks she makes all decisions for me) and have her call me back.

The resident called back and asked why my husband didn't want to take the test. I said it was actually me who didn't want to do it. She wanted to know why. I explained to her that I was about to end treatment, that I wanted to try just one more time. I didn't want to do any more tests; I just wanted to go ahead and get it over with. The resident said that it would go against protocol, so she would need permission to do that. I said, "Okay" and we hung up.

I was upset then, and had no idea when I would get an answer, so I left to go to the library and the grocery store to calm down and think.

When I got home there was a message on the answer machine to call the resident back. The office was closed by then, so I had to wait until today to call back.

At dinner last night I had a nice talk with my husband about my phone conversation. I told him how I felt, and I think we came to the same conclusion. Basically, I felt that either they would let me go ahead with one more cycle of injectables or I would quit treatment. I didn't want to have a consultation or have any more tests.

This morning I called the doctor and left a message for the resident. She called back, and I found out that we can put a hold on the test, but that they want to do another consultation with the doctor. She asked if I wanted to be transfered to the front desk to make an appointment, and I told her I wanted to talk to my husband first.

I really wanted to try one more round of treatments before school started. From what I've read your chances of success for IUI's are low after 6 or 7 tries, and we've done 6 already. I don't really want to see the doctor again for arranging just one more try that probably won't work. I guess I just wanted to do it once more so I knew I had tried all I could. You can't keep trying forever, so I guess the time has come to stop. Yesterday my husband and I talked about maybe going back to treatment some day after we adopt a child. I don't plan on going back to the doctor anytime soon, so I guess we're going to have to end TTC. I still have to discuss this with my husband, but I'm sure he'll agree.

The adoption agency we'd like to use has an information meeting about adoption in September, so maybe after I talk to my husband today we can make arrangements to go to it.

When I told my husband how I felt he totally agreed with me. I told him how it was hard to stop. He said that maybe this was God's way of telling us to stop. We talked more about the adoption process, but not about contacting the adoption agency. I think this all needs to sink in a bit before we start something new.

I've been sleeping terribly since we got back home. First I blamed it on jet lag, but now I think part of it is caused by all this infertility stuff. Also, I should be fertile right now, but I'm not getting very good signs that I am. Could this stress be delaying ovulation? I'm not sure, but the way I've been sleeping temping probably wouldn't help figure things out anyway.