My ultrasound this morning was a little disappointing. I had my largest follicles on the right side again. Here's the numbers:

Right side - 17mm, 14mm, 13.5mm
Left side - 12.5mm

Once again the nurse forgot about my problem with the right side and she suggested taking the HSG shot tomorrow night with the IUI on Thursday. When she asked about questions or concerns I brought up the right side problem. She didn't know what to do, and neither did I. We decided to have her talk to my doctor as he is at my clinic on Mondays.

So I paid my bill and went into the waiting room to wait for the nurse to talk to the doctor. She came back in about five minutes and said that the doctor said to try it this time, and if I don't get pregnant to have another consultation with him. She suggested that I schedule the consultation now, because with the holidays it might be harder to schedule one if I wait for my period to come. If I get pregnant, I can just cancel it.

I scheduled our appointments. My husband goes in Thursday morning at 10:00 a.m., and I go in at 3:30 p.m. I was glad to get such a late appointment. It means that I will only have to miss 25 minutes of school. My principal said that she would practice for Friday's geography bee with our classes. The consultation with the doctor is scheduled for January 5, the first Monday of the new year. That's about 5 days after my period is due. Yes, it's due on New Years Day.

It looks like I will start out the new year with an unmedicated cycle. It will be nice to be free of medication and doctor visits. I don't even mind that we aren't doing a 5th IUI. I'm more eager to see the doctor and see what he thinks.

I thought I decided that I didn't want to do IVF, but I keep changing my mind about it. Today I thought that maybe I would like to try it. Maybe the doctor will be able to work with us and explain the process to my husband. Maybe it won't cost as much as I think. I really want to find out the doctor's thoughts on all this. Then my husband and I will have a lot of thinking to do and a lot of prayers to make.

Why am I going through with this IUI? I already feel like it isn't going to work. I shouldn't think that way, but the way things have been going, why would this month be any different?

I am trying to trust God in all this. I know that He has it all planned out and that it will all work out in the end. For now it is hard because I don't know how it will end. This is such a difficult journey. As I told my friend with the preemies...our path to having children is the narrow, curvy, steep, and rocky one. Others may have an easy path, but we have a hard one. God has made if hard for us, but we will benefit from the difficulties we have conquered. We will learn and have already learned many things.