Thursday I got a call from the fertility specialist confirming my appointment on Monday. That sure makes things more real in my mind. We really are suffering from infertility, and we really are searching for some help to have a baby.

I've never wanted something as intensely as this.

I always wanted to get married and have a family. I expected to have problems finding someone to marry. I never expected to have problems with having children.

I was a shy child, especially around boys. I liked boys, and had some friends who were boys, but I had a hard time being comfortable around most of them. I always had girl friends, and never felt lacking in friendships.

This wasn't due to any tragic event that had happened in my life. I was happy and had a loving family. I inherited my shyness from my father. I am very much like him in that way.

In junior high the boys would tease me, putting their arms around me or asking me if I could talk. I was so quiet if I was in a class where I had no girl friends. I thought most of my peers were immature, and I had no desire to be apart of their conversations.

One day when we had a substitute teacher I was the only one who didn't change my name to confuse the teacher. I was also the only one who didn't have to write an essay the next day as punishment when the teacher returned.

In high school most of the boys were civil to me. I still only spoke to a few of them. I had crushes on different boys, but I never acted on it. I never even told my friends because I was afraid that they would tease me. No one ever asked me out on a date, or asked to take me to a school event.

I wasn't too concerned about it. Yet I longed to be normal and to have boys as close friends. I had a close girl friend who was much like me, and we suffered through this rejection by the boys together. When I graduated from I high school I wasn't voted "Most Likey To Succeed", but "Most Shy". I think they invented that award with me in mind.

College was in many ways the same as the past. I did begin to feel more confident and comfortable around men. In fact there were a couple of them who I often joked with, and whom my friends claimed must like me. This scared me though, and I tried to distance myself from them. My friends joked that I had no hormones. I did though; I just wasn't confident enough to show them.

By the time I graduated from college I had pretty much given up on finding the perfect guy for me. Why would things change? I figured that I would become an old maid, and spend my life teaching other people's kids.

Little did I know that long before God had already begun to work the plan that would bring my future husband into my life.

To be continued...