This cycle is really confusing me. It seems like my temperatures are rising a little late. I cannot tell with any certainty when I ovulated, so I have no idea what day my period is due. I'll just have to assume it will be sometime between March 17 and 20. What an annoyance not to know for sure!

I've decided that my temperatures are not that accurate, so I'm not going to base my fertility on that this month. We'll see later this month if we got our timing right. By the time cycle day 14 came along, my husband and I were way too tired to even try to TTC. Even thought my temps were still low, I didn't really care because I no longer had any fertile mucus anymore.

I read an article in Stepping Stones, a Christian infertility newsletter, about anger. It made me really think about whether I am experiencing anger at God, pregnant friends, my husband, and others.

I have no anger against my husband. He's been so wonderful through all of this. Sometimes I have bad feelings when I hear about another person who is pregnant. It seems like lately I hear about another pregnant person at least once a week. Even though that person is pregnant, when I am not, I wouldn't say it makes me angry. It just makes me feel sad, disappointed, and left out. It is another reminder that God isn't blessing me in the way I would like to be blessed.

As far as anger toward God, I wouldn't really describe my feelings in that way either. I think my main problem is impatience with Him. I want to know the answers now. I've never had to wait so long for something I felt sure could be mine. Not just could, it's really something that I feel ought to be mine. If I'm married, it's just right I should be able to have children. That's how God intended for it to work, didn't He? He said, "Increase and multiply."

My husband and I have been trying to "increase and multiply" for over three years now, but for us the arithmetic isn't working. One woman plus one man always ends up equaling zero. When we tried five million sperm times two eggs the answer still was zero.

What does one perfect, all-powerful, and all-knowing God plus one impatient, barren woman equal?