My period was really heavy today. Blah!!! Forget about Clomid giving me light periods. It was probably lighter last month because of the shots I took to ovulate early. The good thing is that it came on Sunday, as I had hoped and expected.

I called the clinic and scheduled my next ultrasound for next week Thursday. My appointment is at about the same time as last time, so my principal/friend will be able to watch my class while I'm gone. The nurse practitioner who I usually see won't be there, so I'll be seeing the RE. He's much more friendly and personable than the nurse. I also like the fact that he's a Christian. It will be nice to see him again.

I talked to my principal/friend today. She was feeling kind of down. The girl who used to be the school's secretary told her that she had had a miscarriage. It was only her second month of trying after having her first child, and she wasn't very far along when she lost the baby. My friend was upset because she wanted to feel sympathy for the secretary, but she was having a hard time feeling that way. First of all, my friend has never lost a baby, and secondly, she hasn't been able to get pregnant herself after a year of trying. I totally understood how my friend is feeling. It's hard to give sympathy when you feel like you are facing worse circumstances.

You really can't compare your burdens with the burdens of others. Everyone is different. God knows what each of us can handle, and he is giving me what I can handle and he's giving my principal and the former secretary what they can handle.

I personally don't feel that the secretary would have been able to handle waiting three years or even one year to have a pregnancy. If she had to wait that long she would probably have a nervous breakdown! Why do I say this? Well, I know from her days at my school that this sectretary is a perfectionist. She likes to be in control and plan everything. I talked to her recently when she stopped by the school. She was going crazy because her son wasn't napping and she couldn't get an afternoon nap anymore. She's waited three years to even think about having another baby because she wasn't ready to handle another child yet. Anyway, after seeing how much she likes to be in control, I can't imagine how she would react if her pregnancy experiences were as drawn out as mine.

I know this secretary doesn't realize what others are experiencing when she shares her troubles. I also know that she has a burden and needs to share it with others. I need to share too, but I only try to share with those who I know will understand. That's why I have only told a few people.

Infertility is strange. When you are dealing with it you don't want everyone to know. But, when people say things unintentionally that offend you, you accuse them of being insensitive. However, there is no possible way they could know what you are facing, so they don't know they are being insensitive.

My husband and I had an opportunity this Saturday to share our infertility with our Bible study group. We were discussing the chapter "Multiplying Fruitfully" in the book we are studying. I was finding it quite useless to me as most of the chapter dealt with birth control, which no longer applies to me (and probably never will!). Then a girl who has three children, but who had three misscarriages between her first and second child brought up infertility and asked how Christians should deal with the technology available now days. The discussion leader of our group, the husband of the girl who quit teaching at my school last year (remember the math teacher who wanted a part-time part-time job?) said that they were starting to get worried as they had been married for two years and hadn't gotten pregnant yet. At that point there was an opportunity for my husband and I to share our story. We didn't share it though. We still aren't ready for our problem to become public knowledge. If I ever have the opportunity I will tell this girl that she isn't alone. But I'm not that close to her and it might be difficult to just bring it up out of the blue. I'll have to trust God that he will bring us together if he wants me to share with her.

Tomorrow I start Clomid again. It will be nice again to do something that will help me get pregnant. I hate waiting.