I've got my laundry started, so now I can get you caught up on the events of yesterday and my thoughts.

I'll start out by telling about the converstion with my principal/friend after school yesterday. I told her that I was spotting, so I'd probably have to take some time off of school for doctor's visits. She sympathized with me, then asked me a lot of questions about the fertility clinic and how I was referred there.

She's been taking some notice of her cervical fluid, but she has never recorded it. Now that I returned the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility to her, whch actually belongs to her sister-in-law, she's been reading it and discovered that she doesn't really know how many days she is fertile. Since she hasn't been charting, she isn't exactly sure when she normally ovulates either. She wants to get a basil body thermometer, so I told her where I got mine.

We talked a little about adoption, and how we both would want to adopt right away if we knew for sure that we couldn't have children (if our husband's were sterile, for instance). If she's not pregnant in 5 months or so I think she'd like to get her husband tested. I found out that the couple who have three adopted children that attend my school, decided to adopt by choice. The wife has a disease that she could pass on to her children, and since she didn't want to take that risk they decided to adopt. Some day I might want to talk to her about adoption, but now I know she won't totally understand how I'm feeling after going through infertility.

My temperature dropped a little more this morning, and I have slight cramping, along with the spotting. So there really is no question that my period is coming. It's due to come tomorrow, but I'd like it to come on Monday, then the IUI would likely be on a Saturday, and I would just have to miss school on Thursday for an ultrasound.

Knowing that the IUI failed is disappointing, but not devastating. I know that we have more chances. I even tried to console my husband by telling him that our chances will increase the more times we try. This is true statisically until you reach your 6th or 7th one. It rarely happens after that many tries.

Having a baby in May would not have been the best month anyway. My husband is really busy with work, and I would have to miss the last few weeks of school. A summer baby would be wonderful. I would make it through the school year, my husband wouldn't be that busy, and my mom could even visit to help with the baby.

I still wonder how I will get a child. Sometimes I feel at peace about waiting for a child. I felt that way in during the church service the other day, and other times I get so impatient, like those times when the ladies my age are all sitting watching their little ones during Sunday School singing. I'll join them, feeling a little out of place since I have no child wiggling in the pew and singing.

Tonight we have our first Young Married Couples Bible study of the year. Most of the couples have at least one child (three of us don't). I often worry that the Bible study will become more focused on raising children. So far that hasn't happened. If it did, I don't think I could keep coming.

I'm yearning for a biological child. Will that be God's will for me? I'll keep praying and trying to live my life for Him.

LIVING FOR JESUS

Living for Jesus, a life that is true,
Striving to please Him in all that I do;
Yielding allegiance, glad hearted and free,
This is the pathway of blessing for me.

Refrain

O Jesus, Lord and Savior, I give myself to Thee,
For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me.
I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne.
My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.

Living for Jesus Who died in my place,
Bearing on Calvary my sin and disgrace;
Such love constrains me to answer His call,
Follow His leading and give Him my all.

Refrain

Living for Jesus, wherever I am,
Doing each duty in His holy Name;
Willing to suffer affliction and loss,
Deeming each trial a part of my cross.

Refrain

Living for Jesus through earth�s little while,
My dearest treasure, the light of His smile;
Seeking the lost ones He died to redeem,
Bringing the weary to find rest in Him.

Refrain