Babies, babies, babies... Yesterday there were two babies born. It's exciting, but depressing for me. One mother is my husband's cousin, the other is a mother of one of my students. I hate that I have these feelings. My mother turned 64 yesterday, but she still doesn't have any grandchildren. I'm her only married child, and I can't provide her one. How depressing!

I don't want to be sad because of other's joy, but it's so hard to be happy when you feel like something is missing. Last night I was at a Pampered Chef party at a friend's home. I got annoyed because many of the older ladies, relatives of my friend, were watching the three babies on the floor rather than listening to the presentation. I didn't even want to smile at the babies because I disliked that they were the center of attention. Maybe it's because I came to the party to get away from thinking about babies and not being pregnant. It didn't help that the only person I knew well was my friend who was hosting the party. It would have been better for me if there had been more friends of mine to talk to.

Lately I've been feeling for pessimistic about getting pregnant. I feel like I'll NEVER get pregnant, and it makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. I want to keep trying, and I want to go ahead with the IUIs, but I have this worry that they won't work. What will we do then? That's what worries me. I wish I could know the future and what God has planned for me. I hope I can find something to cheer me up, because I'm really feeling down right now.