Today I finally uploaded my fertility chart from my TCOYF Ovusoft program. It had been nearly three weeks since I had updated it! After uploading I got a message that there was an update that I could load for free!! Hooray! That's what I'm doing now. I'm hoping that there are some new and interesting features with this update. They didn't say anything about such things, so maybe it's just something to fix up bugs or glitches.

Saturday was my sister-in-law's party with a Hawaiian theme. All the couples from our Bible study and their kids were invited. I was able to handle conversations that revolved around children and pregnancy very well. We weren't the only ones without kids, and that helped. I was glad that my pregnant sister-in-law was describing her pregnancy symptoms and not complaining about them. Still with all those cute kids and a couple of expectant mothers I had feelings of envy many times that evening. One wife without children was happily announcing that she was going to be an aunt. I remember feeling that excitement myself when I learned I was to become an aunt. This girl has been having seizures and recently found out about a small brain tumor. I wonder if she worries about whether she will be able to have kids. She seemed so genuinely happy. The whole time she talked about this pregnancy I was thinking, "How can she be so happy about this?" I really had to force a smile on my face, because I was feeling sorry for her, that she wasn't pregnant.

I just finished downloading the update. Everything looks the same, so it must have been a corrective update.

My period should be starting a week from today or tomorrow. I should start spotting toward the end of this week, while we are in Wisconsin. I thought about buying my Clomid, which I take on cycle days 3-7, before we leave, but I think I'll wait until we get back. There still is a possibility that I could be pregnant. It's slight, but I won't give up on that chance.

I forgot to write the other day that at my class reunion there was a couple who had a six month old girl. I overheard a conversation between the mother and another woman who has been married 2 years (no kids yet) about how it had taken them a while. She said that she didn't expect it to take long. Later I looked at her biography and found out that she had been married for 7 years. I have been feeling better now about my 4 year wait. I shouldn't be so impatient. People have waited a lot longer than I, and probably dealt with it much better than I have. Why can't I be like them?

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and have the attitude about pregancy that I had my first two and a half years of marriage. I was so relaxed and casual about the whole thing. I expected everything to happen naturally, without even thinking. But, I was also very ignorant of how my body works. It would have been nice if I hadn't had to deal with infertility, but now I think that I am a much wiser and knowledgeable person because of what I have gone through. I'd like to think that it has made me a stronger Christian too. It certainly has introduced new people into my life.

I'm really excited now because I just found out that my second cousin in Wisconsin (who is old enough to be my father) may be able to meet me and show me around the cemetary where my great-grandfather is buried. I emailed his church and his minister called him and wrote me back. The minister said that he is a really friendly guy. I hope it works out, and that we are able to meet him. I haven't done much with researching my family history lately, but now I'm getting eager to work on it again.