A year ago in January my husband decided that he wanted to redecorate our third and final bedroom. He told me to pick out a color, and began removing the wallpaper and masking the trim. I was totally unprepared for it. That room was to be my future nursery, and my plan had always been to redecorate that room when I became pregnant. I looked at wallpaper borders for children's rooms, not quite willing to pick out and purchase one. I just wanted to find a green that would match most of the borders. By the time my husband was ready to paint the room (removing the wallpaper took longer than expected), he was too busy at work to get the painting done. It didn't bother me, because I still wasn't ready to paint that room.

About a month ago, knowing that my brother was moving in with us, my husband decided it was time to finish the painting project. (He arrived on Monday, and it's going well so far. I find it's harder to get on-line, since I have to share the phone line with him now.) I looked at paint chips once again and decided to choose a color similar to the one I originally chose. Its name was "Cucumber," and it was a light green color. Usually I enjoy buying paint and wondering how the color will look on the walls. This time though, I felt like I was admitting defeat.

A couple weeks ago my husband finished painting the room. There wasn't time before my brother came to replace the carpeting, so the dark brown stuff from the 80's remained. I now call that room "Mint Chocolate Chip" because with its dark brown carpet and light green walls, it reminds me of mint chocolate chip ice cream. I love ice cream (As a child I had a t-shirt that said, "I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream."), but I've never been too fond of mint chocolate chip. I think the name reflects how I feel about that room right now. I hate it because it reminds me that there's no baby to sleep in it, but I love it because some day it will have a baby sleeping in it.

I think I'll replace that carpet as soon as my brother moves out. I don't know how much longer I can bear to look at its ugliness.

Yesterday I went to my friend's girls' gathering, and I stayed until after everyone else left. I had told my friend I would tell her about why I had missed school, but I couldn't do that with everyone else around. My friend told me she was glad I had stayed. The whole reason she had the gathering was so she could talk to me! She said her niece had been complaining to her about the substitute teacher she had. When my friend asked why I was gone, all she knew was that I was at the hospital.

I went through a brief overview of my HSG and laparoscopy, including the blocked tube. I told her that I had been on some medications and had had several ultrasounds. She asked if my husband had been tested, and I told her that he had, but the results weren't good. Then I went on to tell her what the doctor's suggestion for what we should do next. I said I may have injections like the two friends of mine that were both pregnant with triplets.

We had a nice talk. I shed a few tears, but that was all. She said that she figures they must have some problems too. After all, they have been without birth control for seven years, and she has gotten pregnant only twice. She has a sister with eight children! She asked how my husband and I felt when the Bible study group started talking about infertility. I explained that we had decided that we didn't really feel comfortable sharing our situation with the group. I said that we really didn't want people asking us how things were going. I didn't think I could handle those questions well. She talked a little about her sister-in-law who had triplets from IVF and who never knew how she would respond when people asked her about trying to having children. My friend was very understanding and said she would continue to pray for me. I was glad we had talked.

My cycle is continuing on as before: spotting, spotting, spotting. After looking at my chart lately, I'm starting to think that maybe I ovulated on day 10 rather than day 12. If so, my period could come tomorrow or even late today. Wouldn't that be great?

Monday I go back to the doctor for my post-op. appointment. If he suggests that we try on our own a few months I'm going to ask him what we should do to optimize our chances. I wonder if he will suggest an ovulation predictor kit? Maybe he will be like my gynecologist and say to do the every-other-day thing. I'm curious what an infertility specialist will recommend.

*****Update******
It's 15 minutes later, and I just discovered that my period is here. I really did ovulate on day 10, the earliest ever. I had a 23 day cycle, my shortest ever. It's brought my average cycle length back down to 26 days. Maybe with this short cycle the flow will be less. So far there's no cramping, and I consider that a good sign. I'm rejoicing! It's TTC time again!