Along with receiving our approval letter on Thursday, we also got an invitation to the next "Waiting Families" meeting which will be in late February. An adoptive mother who runs a scrap booking business from her home will be there to talk about making "Dear Birthmother" letters and Lifebooks for adopted children. At first I decided not to go. I know my husband isn't interested, but maybe I'll go by myself. I am thinking about making a lifebook for my adopted child because regular baby books just don't fit adopted children. The ones they make nowadays talk too much about the mother's pregnancy and delivery, information that we may not have. The baby books my husband and I have don't really cover much of those topics. I've already thought about creating my own baby book from scratch. Maybe a Lifebook is the answer for my problem.

Friday I ended up telling two students about my plans to adopt a baby. My student who is adopted came in early during recess, because she got a bruised knee. A boy who is recovering from an illness was already inside. I told the adopted girl about the adoption video I saw with her parents in it. She was so busy trying to figure out when her parents did this video, that my announcement that I was planning to adopt a baby (after she asked why I had seen the video) didn't even faze her. My other student, however, said, "Zowie, I didn't know about that!" with a big smile on his face. I told him that I hadn't told many people about it yet, but that now I'm starting to. The conversation ended there. I was surprised that there were no questions. You can never predict what kids are going to do. The ill boy left school soon afterwards to go home and rest, and the adopted girl never told any of her classmates. So, the news didn't spread!

Friday night was "girls night" with myself and three others. I was able to talk to "the girls" about buying cribs and other baby stuff. I was glad that our single friend arrived later, because I didn't want to talk about it while she was there. She was married previously and suffered from infertility. She loves babies, but I wouldn't want to bore her with talk about baby stuff.

Last night was a family birthday party for my niece who is turning one today. During conversation with my sister-in-law, I found out that two more women from church are pregnant and due this summmer. When my sister-in-law was out of the room my mother-in-law said that when I have a baby she and her husband will pay for a high chair and baby swing that we pick out ourselves. That's thier baby present for the first baby of each of their children.

Before we left to go home, my four-year-old nephew said to all of us, "We're going to have a new baby." All of us were speechless for a few seconds. My mother-in-law was the first one to speak and made sure what we were thinking was correct: that my sister-in-law is expecting another baby. It was true; she's nine weeks pregnant and due in late August. We were quite shocked because we didn't think my sister-in-law would want her children so close together in age. One of the first things my husband said while we drove home was, "Now my brother is going to complain even more about how small his house is." I said, "I hope we don't have a baby this summer when everyone else in church is having theirs."

I've said it before that I don't want my baby to be lost in a crowd of others. Even if I do get a baby this summer, I will not let him or her be baptized with another child. I want my baby's baptism to be separate and special. My husband, always the pessimist, said that he doesn't expect us to get a baby until a year has passed anyway, so he doesn't expect that to be a problem.

We had an infant baptism this morning at church. The baby was going to be baptized last Sunday with another baby, but because of sickness, this family had to wait a week. On the way home from church (we have great talks in the car, by the way) my husband said that he hopes a relative of his (married to a cousin of his dad) is voted in as an elder this spring. Then he can be up front with the minister during the baptism. Sometimes grandfathers get to attend to the baptism of their grandchildren. That's always pretty neat

No one said anything to us about hearing that we're adopting this morning. Of course the mother of the boy in my class was busy doing Sunday school after church, and she's the only one that might have come up to me. Tonight at church the news of my sister-in-law's pregnancy will become public. She was going to tell her family this afternoon when they are at a get-together. My mother-in-law hasn't been coming to church in the evenings since her hip replacement surgery. Maybe she'll come tonight so she can spread the news about the new grandchild on the way. Maybe that's okay with me. I really don't want the attention. Will anyone approach me tonight about my adoption plans? I don't know, but I do know that I don't plan to tell anyone about them unless he/she asks.

This whole thing about my sister-in-law being pregnant is not easy on me. I'm not quite sure why it is bothering me so much. I've been thinking about it all day. Maybe it's because I feel like she's more special because she knows when she's getting her baby while I am clueless. My baby could arrive before or after hers. People will be much more excited for her right now than for me. My most exciting times will be when the baby comes home, and when he is legally adopted. For my sister-in-law it's when she announces her pregnancy and when the baby is born. I'm always the person who's behind. Maybe that's what's bothering me; I'm behind, and I can't catch up.