Yesterday after evening service at church I started talking to the mother of one of my students. We were having a nice talk together. Later, a 6th grade girl, who is a student of mine, approached me. I turned toward her and said hi. She asked me if I was adopting. I said I was. She asked some questions about how old it was, if it was a boy or girl. I tried to explain to her that I didn't know when I would get a baby and that it could be a boy or girl. I found out that two girls that are her age told her the news. One of them is a niece of my sister-in-law. Besides telling her siblings about her pregnancy, my sister-in-law also shared my adoption news with her family on Sunday afternoon. On Saturday afternoon, my husband told his brother that my sister-in-law could tell people about us adopting. She didn't waste much time in spreading the news. This is the reason why I have told her very little about my infertility experiences.

The mother I was talking with hadn't heard of my news, so she asked me a few details, including, if I had dealt with infertility. I said that I had, but that I'm all done with that now. She proceeded to tell me about how she didn't get pregnant when she first got married. She had expected to get pregnant right away, so she had stopped getting involved in the church. Later she was on Clomid and had her husband tested (he was borderline). She said that soon after she joined a Bible study, she got pregnant. Ever since then she has not had so much trouble.

It was hard for me to have to think about my infertility. A couple times I got a little choked-up. That's one reason why I've postponed telling about adoption. I know that it will inevitably bring up questions about infertility. It brings those painful feelings back to the surface. This mother said that she could understand somewhat what I've experienced, but not to the same extent as me. How right she was.

This mother now has four kids. She would like more, but doesn't want to be pregnant again. She said that she has thought about adopting, but that she didn't think she could handle an older child and the two years of paperwork (I'm not sure where she got that timeline). I said that international adoption is expensive, thinking that since she has four biological children, her best bet for a young child would be that route. She asked me if I was doing international adoption. I said I wasn't. Then I realized that she has been thinking about domestic infant adoption. I decided that she really hasn't looked into it too much. If she had, she would realize how difficult it could be for her to adopt since she is fertile and has four children by birth. I wanted to tell her, "Save the babies for the infertile people like me."

This morning at school I told the teachers about my adoption plans. They were really nice about it. One of them was excited about planning a baby shower. A couple others were telling about people who adopted. One had positive things to say about domestic adoption; the other had negative things to say. I just kind of ignored the negative comments, but I found out later that it really bothered my principal/friend. Now that I think back, she was the one that informed the teacher about what a completely open adoption is. She thought open was the same as semi-open.

When I went back to my classroom my students were all giddy. The girl I had talked to in church asked if I was going to tell the class my news. I told her she could tell them. By that time though, most of the kids already knew! I had to answer a couple more questions. It's hard for the kids to understand that there is no baby yet. I had to tell them that she or he may not even exist yet.

After school I had duty outside, watching the kids. One mother talked to me about a sledding event with the church's girls' club this week. She knows about my adoption plans, but didn't say anything, thankfully. As I went back to my classroom the mother of my adopted student came to talk with me. I had a good visit with her. She talked about her three kids' adoptions, what they know of their birthparents, and how open their adoptions are. She told me some of the emotions she still experiences because she has never been able to be pregnant or give birth. She got a little weepy a couple times, and so did I. She told me how it wasn't love at first sight for her, how it still is hard for her to hold newborns, and how other people say they understand when they can't. She always seemed to me very happy not to have experienced pregnancy, but I realized that she's learned to cover-up those emotions. I'm glad she was able to share with me.

Sometimes I've gotten annoyed at this woman because she loves to talk and can get very repetitive, but today I realized just what a special person she is. She told me that she and her husband would be willing to be a reference for me, and that she thinks her daughter is doing better than ever in math with me as her teacher. Her one piece of advice to me about adoption was to not make any promises to birthparents that we may not be able to keep. She offered to help out if we ever need it, and that we can run a situation by her if we aren't sure about it. When I asked, she told me about a pediatrician's office that will accept Medicare for when our baby is placed in our home as a foster child.

I talked to my principal/friend when the mother left, and she told me that a few of my girls were in a huddle talking at recess. She said she heard the word baby, so she figured that they were talking about me. I found out later that my students were a little secretive about my news and the news actually didn't get around to everyone at school. Even the secretary's daughter, who can't keep anything a secret, didn't know when the adoptive mother started talking to me after school!

So, that's my adventures for today. We'll see what excitement there will be tomorrow. I'm sure someone will want to talk to me about it. The question is: Who?

My husband and even my mother-in-law are a little upset that my sister-in-law decided to share her pregnancy news the same time my husband and I were to make our adoption news public. She hasn't gone to the doctor yet, so my mother-in-law thinks it's a little soon to be sharing the news. I say it's annoying, but whatever, I'll just continue to avoid talking to her about adoption. We are so different from each other that I really can't see her understanding things from my viewpoint. Maybe that's the wrong attitude to have, but I don't really care at this point.