I'm starting to get nervous. It's now ten days since I ovulated. I could start spotting anytime, but most likely it will start tomorrow. I get worried every time I go to the bathroom. What's weird right now is that my ovaries are starting to ache a little again. Before I would feel a twitch occasionally, but yesterday the feelings became stronger. It scares me that maybe it's the early stages of cramping. My period isn't due until Friday, so it's really too early for that. I'm not sure how much longer I can stand the suspense.

My mind keeps replaying all the different things I will do depending on what happens in the next few days. So many different things can happen, and it gives me lots to think about. At least I haven't had any dreams lately. They've been free of babies, pregnancies, and getting my period.

I felt a little down last night. I went with my husband to my in-law's house to celebrate Father's Day. It was a little too much for me to handle all the attention my niece and nephew were getting. I had a hard time laughing at the cute things they did, because I didn't know how long it would be before everyone would be laughing and playing with my kids.

I have been confronted with adoption in various ways over the last few days. I met my friend's neighbor who is 19, and was adopted from Guatemala. He's a nice young man, although he has a slight mental disability that his parents didn't realize when they adopted him. The saddest thing is that his adoptive mother died of cancer when he was 12. Now he just has his dad and younger brother (also adopted from Guatemala).

In the church bulletin yesterday there was an announcement about some Russian orphans ages 7-13 that will be staying in the area for 10 days. They will be staying at host families and will do a presentation of Russian songs. People who are interested in adopting children in need of a family were invited to attend. I didn't know that something like this was done. I guess these kids are taking a trip in search of a family. I suppose when the trip is done they'll go back to their orphanage and hope a family has decided to adopt them. It's an interesting way to do things. I hope these kids find families. They are a little too old for my husband and I, but I could envision myself being involved in something like this in the future, either as a host family, or as an adoptive parent.

So here I am, still waiting. If there's no spotting by Friday morning, I'm getting a blood test. If that happens, though, it will be unbelievable...VERY unbelievable.