I went to the hospital yesterday to visit my friend who lost a triplet. Her infection is actually getting better which is not what the doctors expected. Prayer was definitely at work in her situation. She has been having contractions in the evening. Yesterday was her best day. She had a few contractions that were quickly stopped with medication. Today and tomorrow they plan to give her steroid shots. They will help the babies to develop their lungs faster. The baby that died was only able to breathe two breaths before he passed away. His lungs were too tiny. I pray that these two little babies will make it and that they will stay in their mommy as long as possible.

I've been doing a lot of reading about treatment for couples with male factor infertility. It seems like the process to have a child is going to be a long one.

First my husband will have to get checked out and surgery may have to uccur. If that happens it will take several months before the count improves (if it does).

Then, we may have to go through 3-6 cycles of IUI (intrauterine insemination), which from my research will give us a 4%-8% chance of conceiving per cycle, depending on if I am medicated to ovulate extra eggs or not.

A normal healthy young couple has a 20-25% chance of conceiving each cycle. Statistically, (considering how we have been trying for nearly three years) we currently have a 3% chance of conceiving each cycle. From research I've looked at, we have a 2.5% chance based on total motile sperm count and two years of trying.

If the IUIs fail to bring pregnancy, our next alternative would be IVF (in-vitro fertilization). This is a route that we probably wouldn't take. I'm concerned about fertilizing more eggs than we need. I value human life starting from the point of conception.

Our last option then, which could be 1 1/2 years away or longer before we even seriously consider it, would be adoption. That too can be a long wait.

It's so hard to not know the future. Sometimes I think it would be easier if we knew we couldn't have kids. Knowing that it's possible makes it harder to deal with. It's all the unknowns. I want to start my family now, and it's so hard when God is telling me to wait. I'm trying to be at peace with my situation, but it is very difficult. I do know that God will help me through this. I can't help asking, "How long must I wait?"