After a week of no spotting, I began to spot again on Sunday. Yesterday evening I had my first drops of blood. It wasn't much, but it was something new. Since then I've had very light bleeding and mild cramping.

My mother-in-law came to my house this morning to watch my daughter while Hubby and I went to meet with the midwife.

When we were walking in the parking lot toward the medical building, a woman got dropped off right in front of the door. We recognized her as a woman from church that works in the same building (which is connected to a hospital). She didn't see us, and we stayed where we were until she was out of sight.

We then met with the midwife. Hubby told her who he is related to as the midwife knows many people in his family. I didn't realize this, but my mother-in-law was her classmate when they were young.

Anyway, right away she suggested that I wait it out, and I said I agreed. She thought it was good that some bleeding has started. She gave me a better description of what would happen during the miscarriage. She said she wasn't worried about me getting an infection.

She asked for more details of our infertility and my cycles, and she suggested that we not use contraception during the next couple cycles because of higher fertility following miscarriages.

She commented on how high my hCG had gotten, especially compared to the low progesterone. She said that if we weren't infertile she would suggest that I take progesterone each cycle after ovulation to help sustain a pregnancy. In our case she suggested that if I ever get pregnant to immediately call them and they will get me on progesterone.

I was told to call the office as soon as I think the miscarriage is starting. If nothing happens I am to return to see her next week Wednesday. She gave me her cell phone number so I can reach her even if she is not in the office if I should have any questions or concerns. We left feeling good about the visit, and no tears were shed.

Really only the first day did I feel quite emotional. Right now when I see blood I get happy.

(A funny side note: Yesterday my daughter was in the bathroom with me. As she likes to do she peered into the toilet when I was finished and stood up. I attempted to block her view, but it didn't work. She asked me if I had red toilet paper in there. Oops! She used to think anything dark was poop. Now that she knows her colors I'm going to have to keep her out of the bathroom when I'm bleeding! Thankfully she was happy with my simple answer of "yes.")

I'm ready to move on, and I think most of my grieving is over. I've had other losses in recent years that have been much greater to bear. Maybe I will feel differently when I actually miscarry the baby.

My only fear right now is that it will happen quickly, and it will happen when I am away from home. I've decided that I won't let my fears keep me from living my life. So we will be having family over for my daughter's birthday party on Friday no matter what. If we need to tell them what is happening, then we'll tell them.

Thank you my readers for your thoughts, kind words, and prayers. They have been greatly appreciated. Someday I will look back and see how rich this experience was. Right now I can just see an inkling. I'm not angry at God or anyone else, and I think that is the first step in the recovery process.