This afternoon I went to the appointment with the nurse midwife feeling very down. All day I had been having more cramping than normal with mild nausea, and I was terrified that full blown cramps would soon be there along with heavy bleeding. However although the cramps never really changed much, I never did have any bleeding. There was just a tiny bit of spotting, so little I wasn't quite sure if it even was spotting.

I brought along my little bottle of progesterone, wondering if I would even need it, and the $75 I spent on it would be wasted.

I was told to get undressed and ready for a Pap smear. I haven't had one in years. I avoided seeing a gynecologist after seeing the fertility specialist. Mine had retired, and I never found a new one.

The midwife came in and asked me if I had seen the lab results. I said I must have only seen the first ones. She had the hCG test from Saturday as well. She said she wasn't encouraged by the results. My hCG had gone down from 37,000 to 34,000. She made a comment on how she doesn't totally trust lab results because people can make errors and record the numbers wrong. She decided to skip the Pap smear for now, and to first go and get an ultrasound. I changed back into my clothes and waited until a few people ahead of me had ultrasounds.

I was prepared for the worse, but then what I saw next surprised even the midwife (who was there observing). The technician found the egg sac and baby and both looked perfectly normal. The baby had grown since last Thursday. It now measured 6 weeks, 1 day. A heartbeat was not able to be detected. The technician said that it isn't always detected this soon. The midwife seemed a little clueless as to whether the heartbeat should be seen yet. I think they normally see patients 7 or 8 weeks along when a heartbeat is expected to be seen.

Remember how I didn't attempt to memorize exactly how the baby measured last time? Well they looked at my chart and found that four days ago it measured 5 weeks, 1 day. So the baby had a full weeks worth of growth in only four days! Amazing! I also noticed that based on last week's ultrasound my due date is set for March 7, 2009.

The technician continued looking around and discovered a spot where I am bleeding. I can't recall the name, but it has the word thrombosis and possibly abcess in it. The midwife felt this is probably the cause of my spotting. She said that it is not harmful, but it can be very scary for the women who have it. She said that after a women has given birth they can see where the spot is in the placenta.

I am so thankful that the technician was competent enough to discover this spot. I feel so much better knowing where the bleeding has been coming from.

After the ultrasound the midwife said that I should come back right after my vacation for an ultrasound to see if a heart beat can be detected. She said that there is nothing I can or can't do to help this pregnancy along. She told me to enjoy my vacation, and to go ahead and get the progesterone shots. She joked that I got away with not having the Pap smear this time, but I would get some time.

The nurse gave me my first progesterone shot and showed me where it needs to be injected so hubby can give me the next two shots. This nurse was the one who gave me the first ultrasound on Thursday(not the one today). When she was about to give me the ultrasound we chatted and found out that she knows my neighbor across the street (who has a son my daughter's age). She recognized my address since she sometimes drops her kids at my neighbor's house to catch the school bus. It's weird how you can run into random people and find out you both know someone.

I came home to hubby and daughter and shared the bad news that turned into good. Hubby decided to show our daughter the new ultrasound so she could see the baby. We talked to her about getting a baby brother or sister sometime and how she would be a big sister.

We leave tomorrow to visit my sister for two weeks. We decided not to tell her unless it is necessary. We decided that we will tell Hubby's parents after our next ultrasound (or miscarriage it that happens first). I also decided that if I have a miscarriage, I want to tell my good friend who had a miscarriage in late May. We don't want everyone to know. We are more private about such things.

So now I leave you with two weeks of waiting. I will be unable to add any entries while I am away, so you will have to be patient and wait until July 30 or 31.