Wednesday I was at church for our girls' club where I am a counselor. Another counselor was leading opening devotions. She said something that really got my mind thinking.

She was talking about our sinful nature and how hard it is to be kind to others, especially in our thoughts. Then she spoke of our "first mom and dad," Adam and Eve, who sinned and because of them we are born with a sinful nature. She then mentioned to the kids how their "natural parents" also are born with a sinful nature.

My mind started to wander as I began comparing these terms to terms used in adoption.
The term "first mom and dad" can be used to describe birth parents. The term "natural parents" can also be used to describe birth parents. I wondered where adoption might fit into it all. Then I thought about Ephesians 1. It describes how as Christians we are children adopted by God through Jesus Christ and that because of it we recieve an inheritance.

Sometimes I think of myself as my daughter's "third mom." First was her natural/biological mom, then then her interim care mom, and lastly I became her mom. If I include Adam and Eve as my daughter's "first parents," then I am really her "fourth mom."

My daughter is also adopted twice. I've heard another adoptive mom tell me this, and our preacher even spoke of it at my daughter's baptism. She was adopted by her adoptive parents, and she has also been adopted by God as his covenant child.

Four moms and two adoptions - now that may seem confusing, but it really isn't!

After thinking about this for while, I realized that I needed to get back to listening to the woman leading devotions. I really hate when my mind wanders like that. I'm not feeling too guilty about it. I think this mental straying was really a meaningful one, not a sinful one.

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Friday I went to the drug store with my husband and daughter. An elderly woman waiting at the pharmacy counter with us was making small talk and commenting on our daughter. She noted how observant and smart she was. Then she asked where she got her round face because it didn't look like she got it from us. I told the woman that our daughter is adopted. The woman didn't make any comments about the adoption, but commented on how our daughter with her round little face looked a lot like herself when she was that age.

I was a little annoyed at myself later on. I want to use the right wording and not say she "is" adopted, but rather, we adopted her. I want to make adoption a verb, not a noun. I was a little unprepared for this question because this was the first time in 2 � years that anyone noticed that our daughter didn't look like us. I'm telling myself that next time I will do it right.
Although I'm also still not sure if it's always necessary to mention adoption. We could have said our daughter looks like her grandmother, and it would have been true. (It seems that she has inherited her round face from her birth grandmother.)

There have been three other times when someone asked about my daughters inherited features. Once a woman from my sister's church asked my sister and I who my daughter looked like. My sister mentioned the adoption. The other two incidents actually were repetitions of the same event. In one incident I mentioned adoption and the other I didn't.

My daughter was getting her feet measured one time and the shoe sales girl asked my daughter, "Where did you get your fat feet?" I said, "I don't know. We adopted her." (Okay, I might have said, "She's adopted.") The girl didn't respond to my comment, just continued measuring feet.

I find it interesting how both the elderly woman and the sales girl didn't ask any more questions or make any comments regarding adoption. I didn't mind it. I actually liked that these strangers didn't pry but remained neutral.

We returned to the shoe store months later and must have had the same sales girl. She must not have remember us and asked the same question about her fat feet. I decided that time just to say, "I don't know." It's the truth. We don't know, and I didn't feel like mentioning adoption that day.

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Okay, one more thing! I did a little more searching on MySpace and Facebook tonight, and found the woman who married my daughter's birth father. I hadn't found her before because I was searching with her maiden name and not her married name. Apparently she opened this account shortly after getting engaged. Anyway I copied everything she had written onto my computer. She didn't have a lot of information about her husband. She hadn't done much updating since her marriage in September, but there was one thing that got me very excited.

She had posted a picture of her husband, my daughter's birth father. It was taken last summer. He looks a lot different than the guy I've imagined in my mind the last 2 � years, but he does match the description given by my daughter's birthmom.

I showed the photo to my husband. We both agreed that our daughter does not look like him, but that she looks the most like her maternal grandmother. We did notice a little curl to his hair. It was hard to see because it was cut so short, but it seems she may have gotten her waves from him. There is some wavy hair on her maternal side too, it just varies from person to person.

I am so happy to have a photo of my daughter's birth father. I think it will be meaningful to my daughter.

Another interesting thing about the birth father's wife is that she mentioned how she wants to have a baby. She mentioned wanting to adopt two relatives who she treats as her own since she doesn't know if she'll be able to have "one of her own." She said she wouldn't do that to her husband though. They want to have children together, but it might not be possible.

I will be checking back to see how the story unfolds. The internet has been such a great resource for me in finding information about my daughter's birth family. I hope some day my daughter will appreciate what I've gathered for her.